as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
