I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
