I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
