So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
