You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
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After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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