is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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