Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
