I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
