I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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