That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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