She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
