Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Randomize
