im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
