My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
