walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
