But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize