So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Randomize
