im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
