I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
