Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
