I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
