I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
