ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
