Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
