I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize