i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
