I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
