so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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