Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You don't make any sense
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