Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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