Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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