She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
