We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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