She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
