"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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