So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
