I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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