Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
