I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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