I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
