THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
