He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
