I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
