Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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