just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
