Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
