I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
