69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
