I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
