i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
