Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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