HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
