im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
