I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
