i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
