Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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