brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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