I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
