I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
