There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
