i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
