Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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