we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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