i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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