I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
