just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
