google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
