i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
