are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
