New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How does one acquire holy water?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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