Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
