So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
