You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
