i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I want a musical about memes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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