Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
