the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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